I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
