I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
