if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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