i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
