Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
