I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
