Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
