I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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