FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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