I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
