I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
We need to rekindle our bromance
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.