OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?