I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH