I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
