ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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