toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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