He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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