did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
