where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
