why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
