I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
