I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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