I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize