I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
