Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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