I can text with my tongue
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
