apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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