thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
