I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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