I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
