Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
