Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
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I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
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He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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