I look better un-naked...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Randomize
