I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
