I'm gonna have a badass scar
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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