CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Im part way to drunk.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
