What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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