dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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