I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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