So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
