We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
