Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
