It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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