but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
