i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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