Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
