3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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