Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
