i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
