Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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