I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
