The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
