Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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