could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
