Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
