There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
