she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
