Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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