i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
there was a trapeze. enough said
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
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