i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
