peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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