mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
