I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
His nipple licking is glorious
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