the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
