as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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