Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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