I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
