Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
