One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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