Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
how does that bad decision feel?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
