it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
