Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
