he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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